There comes a time when a man has got to stand up and say "Friends, Romans, Cuntry Men......I find it extremely difficult to sit quiet and be thought a fool. So I have decided to express myself and dispell all doubts!". There comes a time when a man has got to say "Arise, Awake and stop not till you have taken a shit!" - A time when a man knows that his moment of glory is here - the very purpose of his existence has been realised. That time is now and I have decided to unleash my filth on the net.
The Case of the K-9 - The Bitch with the Bitch
Right off the bat - Im a cat person. Right off the bat - I cant keep my mouth shut. Right off the bat - I blabber. Throw in a girl with a dog into the above "Right off the bats" and Voila! - Entertainment. There was a bitch in my college and I thought she was kinda cute. This bitch had a bitch - and the second bitch was certainly NOT cute. Anyway, she used to proudly put on display her German terrier. Misplaced pride if you ask me. This pooch could easily have been confused for a rug. It looked like a bunch of pubes put together. It resembled an oversized rat from hell. You know what you get when you cross a Bulldog with a Shitzu? You get Bullshit! Thats what this God damn thing was. I obviously could not express my honest opinion about the dog in full honesty to her. So when I did get a chance alone with her, I put on the pussy-hat and went 'cho chweeet' on the dog. The repulsive sorry excuse for a living thing started wiggling around. It took me a while to figure out which was the front, just to make sure I didnt end up fingering its ass. It is at this moment the pussy-hat came off and the idiot cap went on. I turn and ask her "Cute guy. So how old is the mutt?" This has the same effervescent effect that a drop of Hydrochloric acid has on a carbonate salt. The bitch - the girl began to maul me in a way that mangy sorry excuse for a dog never could. I then tried to convince her that calling her 'baby' a mutt was actually a compliment, which landed me in further trouble. This time the other bitch got into the action too and tried to hump my knee-cap. Finally, both the bitches threw me out of the room and I had to once again introduce Ryan Jr. to my right hand.
Sometimes I dont know who are worse - dogs or people.
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