Musings of a Thoroughly Idle Mind...

People call me 'Wonderboy' - because I wonder a lot. As they say, "As Idle Mind is the Devil's Workshop" - In my case, when you constantly contrive situations where in you can get into such a high level of idleness where your brain goes into suspended animation, it becomes the Devil's Headquarters, Manufacturing Plant, Weekend retreat, 'Chinna veedu' (for my tamil friends) and much more. As I was revelling in my supreme idle-ic (not to be confused with idyllic) state - I listed down the things I did during this phase (which lasted almost all of last week until now, and probably will cease to exist as I get done with this post).

I had an enlightening discussion with a bright Sardar and a dim Jain on the banks of a beach about religion while on the wrong side of sobriety (I know, Relationships, Politics and Religion should never be discussed esp when in an inebriated state, but if people knew WTF they were doing while being in an inebriated state, they wouldnt be in that state in the first place). You are welcome to curse the dimwit Jain since he wasnt even drinking but was spewing copious amounts of filth disguised as 'gyan'. So, while in my current state of Bored Out Of my Bloody Skull (B.O.O.B.S - technically there is a 'my' in between but you can see that I very cleverly kept the first letter as a small 'm' so that I can spell my state as BOOBS which is way cooler than BOOMBS), I went on a researching spree about all the compost that Dimwit Jain (DJ 'Officer') had uttered. As of now, I have no idea about what DJ Officer was yapping that night but I know a whole lot of Jainism, Thithankars, influence of Jainism on Hinduism and vice versa, history, evolution etc - to what avail I have absolutely no idea.
2) While in B.O.O.B.S - you develop a special relationship with your TV. You understand that it too has its weaknesses and you end up watching even the most retarded of shows the BOOB tube can throw at you (Hey maybe thats why they call it the boob tube). So, as I was maintaining this relationship hoping it wouldnt end up being long-term, I suddenly realised there was a sudden plethora of 'Dance shows' on just about every channel! Reality shows are in anycase intolerable and I pray that anybody who is even remotely associated with any reality show dies a slow and very painful death. Now you have these mental midgets, these God damn fucking defective braincells, developing brain farts where they decide to combine piss poor dancing with a reality show! How I wish I could give all these dipshits toothless smiles! I kept switching channels and as I was being subjected to this monstrosity on every channel, I decided to make a list of shows that absolutely need to be avoided: The following will be useful:
you have "Jhalak Dikhla Jaa" - Jaa, waapas mat aa please!
"Aaja Nachle" - Aa hi mat!
A show with a retarded name that aptly describes its content - 'Boogie Woogie'
"Nach India Nach" and "Nach Baliye" - Just dont watch these shows
"Chak De Bachhe" where they spot and identify colossal idiocy right at a very young age and groom them so that they can grow up to be burdens on society with their pathetic gyrations
"Say Shava Shava" - I wont say it! In fact Id rather say, 'Fuck you you Cocksuckers!'
We have a new piece of garbage - 'Ek Khiladi Ek Hasina"
Since I am a South Indian, I get to be tortured by both the Hindi as well as the regional channels - being a Tamilian, living in A.P and having just finished my college in Karnataka - I am exposed to various forms of South Indian torture - and you realise that all the above unmentionable Dance Reality shows have their regional counterparts as well where the participants look like rabid apes who just escaped from a local zoo.
As if the participants are'nt enough to make you want to contemplate murder, you also have these so called 'Judges' - numbering no less than 3 in every show - where the sole purpose in their pathetic lives is to pass incorrigible incomprehensible comments about the 'performances' and drop their pearls of wisdom (droppings for sure) on how to improve. You have jobless people like Juhi Chawla and other no names who look like they have gotten a chance to show their faces on Television through the SC/ST quota and they have to raise their ridiculous ergonomically designed faggoty placards to show what score they are going to give the participant. For people who do nothing but vomit incessantly on screen why cant they just tell the fucking score instead of going through this elaborate ritual and prolong the torture huh?
And it doesnt end there - apart from these judges, you also have a central character - usually he/she is a washed-up has-been ugly-as-fuck imbecile who has no business showing his or her ugly mugshot on television anyway - a fuckface everyone usually called "Guruji' or "Master" or "Sirjee" or "Dada" or some shit like that. Case in point as below:

You have Saroj Khan - who looks like a cross between Jabba the hut, a beached whale and an elephant with an overdose of Botox. If that fat piece of shit shakes that ass that resembles a country barn on stage to Helen or Madhuri Dixit's songs again, Ill puncture her so she will fly around the studio in fart circles.

Saroj Khan - Free Willy

You have perennial moron Javed Jaffrey who dons one ridiculous hat after another in every episode driving home the point that he is not only a classical Grade-A fool but also dresses up like one so no one makes a mistake.

Javed Jaffrey revealing his Spastic side with his friends

(How I wish I could re-direct those Boogie Woogie punches at their teeth!)

Then we have our very own "Mithun-da" who has been riding his 'Disco Dancer' wave since the beginning of time. This abomination has about 1.5 steps that he has been using for the last 45 years and frankly it looks like he is having a seizure but for some reason he is referred to as the"Master" and "Dada" and his word is the gospel as to who qualifies and who doesnt.

The Regional channels are even worse - you have some geriatric fuckhead whom no one has even heard of and he is more often than not a fat dark fuck, who blabbers, cant dance, dresses ridiculously and wears odd hats - combining the super powers of the above mentioned 3 people.

Now with all these above mentioned factors, you also have a shitcock compere who resembles Ishan Avasti from TZP fame and does all the usual actions like the Devils horns etc and uses all the cliche phrases with utmost exaggeration. And to add to this misery, you have all the usual slow motion of shots of people making shitty faces, old fat farts hugging ugly young people, some random handicapped guy who just shows up in the middle of the show for no reason at all and mind you THIS IS ALWAYS IN SLOW MOTION! (as if the poor chap isnt slow enough in real life, you have to make it even slower, pathetic producers! bastards!), women crying, judges making faces as if they just tasted a spoonful of shit - and all these slow motion stuff is accompanied with that JHA JHAANG!!! DUSH DUSH!! sound of the guitar and drums at the back as if some major catastrophe awaits the viewers when in reality, the only 'REALITY" part of this show is that, your suffering is going to be eased by a miniscule amount because one of pieces of toxic garbage on screen is going to be eliminated so you dont have to see him for the rest of your life (hopefully!)