Testiclemonials...

Social Networking Sites are awesome, I have to admit. I have been able to find a large number of my friends from the past. But Im not one of those crazy ass lunatics who plan the rest of their day around the time they would be spending on Orkut or Facebook etc. While these sites do have their advantages, they have their share of faults as well. In this case, the most glaring fault is the feature of a Testimonial that one person can write for another. I do not have a problem with a decently written testimonial but there should actually be a screening system where-in only tolarable testimonials should be allowed and this decision should not be left to either the writer or the receiver of the testimonial. When vermins are allowed to write testimonials for cretins and the cretins actually accept them, then it becomes a serious shithole as you are subjected to that garbage on the person's profile page everytime you visit it. I know the usual retort the retards come up with at such times is the very original "If you dont like it, just ignore it! Dont read it!". Well, Im sorry, I cant ignore it because it hurts and makes me want to gouge my eyes out and pull out my tongue and die everytime I see that testimonial that you have written/accepted. When I see such mentally challenged testimonials I wonder who is the bigger idiot of the 2 - the writer or the acceptor? I have posted a few testimonials - I prefer calling them 'Testiclemonials" since I feel it is more appropriate - to give a clearer picture. The names have been withheld because I do not wish to reveal whose supreme idiocy was behind these testiclemonials. These testiclemonials have been written by people for each other i.e FITH has written it for FUBAR and FUBAR for FITH, ARSEBANDIT has written it for IMAFUCK and IMAFUCK for ARSEBANDIT. We shall analyze these very insightful posts.

Testiclemonial #1 : From FUBAR to FITH
Ms.FITH is an amazing girl (Virgo or Libra.by Sunsign) and good human being. She has been my good friend from the day one (Although she considers me boring) and she has always been there to help me. Ever since I remember she is been a loving, caring and most importantly most torturing buddy who keep saying that she hates me and I am boring too. … But actually she loves me a lot and I know that …. What u say??? She is the one person who'll actually make u realize that actions speak louder than words (She is TT champ and gr8 Leader too (Sports.. Goonj) ). She is not the type who easily gets attached to people (Like me) … but once she is with u.. She will be with u thruout her life.. Overall a great person to be with (especially on dinner ….. always American chopsy and Kali Dal (non-spicy)) ….. one more thing she too tries to pull my leg……but all in vain ha… ha… ha.. she ends up getting pulled!!! At last she is is very innocent ( atleast looks tat way!! ). Well very stupid too……….. Thanks for being there !!

Analysis: ‘Ms.FITH is an amazing girl (Virgo or Libra by Sunsign) – I guess for some reason Ms.Fith having been born in the months of Sep/Oct automatically makes her amazing – and good human being (grammar be damned, she is good human being! as in good stuff, good material, good music – ‘Human being has been reduced to a genre!) and she has always been there to help me - Im not surprised at all at this one. Considering your stellar composition, Im sure you fall flat on the floor multiple times and bounce off all the walls before you are able to find your way out of a room.

Ever since I remember she is been a loving, caring and most importantly most torturing buddy who keep saying that she hates me and I am boring too. … Although this entire paragraph is a systematic genocide of the English language, this line takes the cake! Im sure she is been as loving and caring an most torturing as You Is Been a bumbling moron with an IQ of an ashtray!
But actually she loves me a lot and I know that …. What u say??? – What u say? Are you asking me or her? If you are asking me, then I would like to say ‘Eat shit and die!’ She says she hates you, you’ve already admitted that she calls you boring (I wont disagree at all) more than once – but you KNOW she loves you and yet you ask ‘What u say?’ AAAARRRGGHH!!! How the hell do people even come up with this shit!

She is not the type who easily gets attached to peopleJ(Sports.. Goonj) – Phew that’s a relief, considering her testimonial to you, which is coming up next is another exercise in desecrating a language (Like me) - Even bigger relief… but once she is with u.. She will be with u thruout her life (like AIDS or Cancer! – not a good idea, not a good idea at all).. Overall a great person to be with (especially on dinner ….. always American chopsy and Kali Dal (non-spicy)) – ON dinner? A great person to be with ON dinner – American Chopsy and Kali Dal (non-spicy)?? Since you are ON dinner with her anyway, Im assuming this is your pathetic way of bringing to the notice of the world that your boring idiotic self is sensitive enough to even remember her choice of food items. one more thing she too tries to pull my leg……but all in vain ha… ha… ha.. she ends up getting pulled!!! At last she is is very innocent ( atleast looks tat way!! ). Well very stupid too……….. Thanks for being there !! – Beautiful, just beautiful. After subjecting the unsuspecting reader to such medieval torture, you have finally established the fact that she is very stupid. Im surprised this doesn’t have that usual phrase “(Like me)” accompanying this since it is quite obvious you are too. For coming up with such complete scumcock piece of shit testimonial, someone needs to tie you to a tree and read your own testimonial to you again while whipping you on the head with a rubber dildo at the end of every line!

TESTIMONIAL #2: From FITH to FUBAR
Mr.FUBAR...M&M fan...it seems, he lives with it all the time...his everything is M & M only (NOT EVEN A GAL )....Mr PJ King....I must say...his pj's are world worst pj's..I don't know from where he get these ideas....sometimes really intolerable...anyways that about his not so bad..oops I mean not so good sense of humor...now lets come to atul as a person...He is really a big time moody (MIND IT, PANGA SOCH SAMAJ KE LENA)..I can't make out how he'll react to what i say...on the contrary..very helpful, caring, understanding ( ??????? ) n moreover my supporter here at COLLEGE....in studies...thanks for being my friend Mr.ABC....n always be like this so that one day I come to know why are u so ajib sa at times (AJIB SA BAHUT HI AJIB SA )...he he he..just kidding..always there for u...take care....hey i forgot one thing...his best timepass...to bugg people especially ( I GUESS NOW ITS ONLY) me I am sure....

Analysis: Mr.FUBAR...M&M fan...it seems, he lives with it all the time...his everything is M & M only (NOT EVEN A GAL )....Hmm, if the most significant aspect about a person is the fact that he is an M&M “FAN”, that does say a lot. He is an EMPLOYEE moron and in this current economic scenario considering his enormous mental handicap, he requires to “live with it” all the time and it has to be his everything for him to be able to hold on to his job even under the mentally challenged quota! And considering YOU are the GAL, I think the choice is so much more easier!
Mr PJ King....I must say...his pj's are world worst pj's..I don't know from where he get these ideas....sometimes really intolerable...anyways that about his not so bad..oops I mean not so good sense of humor...now lets come to FUBAR as a person...World Worst PJs – no comments necessary. I don’t know from where he get these ideas, I don’t know from where you gets these ideas either – both are really intolerable. The next line is Ms.FITH’s pathetic attempt at trying to be humorous, I think. I guess Ill force a smile at the “his not so bad…oops not so good sense of humour”. What the fuck is she actually trying to convey by this line in the first place? And finally, after dragging us a mile of scum, she takes us to what FUBAR is as a person.
He is really a big time moody (MIND IT, PANGA SOCH SAMAJ KE LENA).. (Someone ought to take a king size bat to your head purely for this line! You need to be strapped to a chair and beaten across the face repeatedly with a lead pipe for coming up with some crap like this!
I can't make out how he'll react to what i say... (Im not surprised at all! With the kind of horseshit that you generate no one can make out how they will react. I would guess and prefer violently!)
on the contrary..very helpful, caring, understanding ( ??????? ) (if anyone can explain the existence of these multiple question marks be my guest, to me looks like goose droppings on a pile a shit) n moreover my supporter here at COLLEGE....in studies...thanks for being my friend Mr.FUBAR....n always be like this so that one day I come to know why are u so ajib sa at times (AJIB SA BAHUT HI AJIB SA )...he he he..just kidding..always there for u...take care....hey i forgot one thing...his best timepass...to bugg people especially ( I GUESS NOW ITS ONLY) me I am sure.... I am seriously at a loss for words. Gasp! Cough Cough! Oh my God! The idiocy….its suffocating….cant breathe!…help….someone contain this Concentration Camp Gas Chamber of dung…wheeze! Wheeze!…everything is going dark, cant take much more of this garbage…..Swoon!

Since I passed out at the end of the previous testiclemonial, I am unable to provide an indepth analysis for the following two testimonials between ARSEBANDIT and IMAFUCK. I will leave you to read it and analyze it for me and if you have the time, kindly post your analysis as a comment and I shall be eternally grateful to you for your contribution.

Testimonial #3 - From ARSEBANDIT to IMAFUCK

I was stuck in a tunnel searching for light and path when she came and showed me the way to a beautiful world. The route though has been heavenly for me though I feel I made it hell for her on most of the occasion for I am always unable to match her expectation and make some blunder in anger and desperation. I am also not sure of the obstacles on the way here on. I always admire her for her dedication, precision, and knack to perform outstanding in every task: academics, dance, analysis, working on B-plan etc and above all the way we fight over silly things. I have been learning from this beautiful guru, the list has been long; some are to handle the ill feelings in me of underestimating myself , being very possessive, being in-patient, pressure handling and above all understanding that life is not all about work and time is not always too less. Ms.IMAFUCK, believe me I have understood that society, close friend and above all family needs time and one must not take them for granted to repent later. keep smiling:)

Testimonial #4: From IMAFUCK to ARSEBANDIT
Mr.ARSEBANDIT! One can write loads about him but i think he wont like me write loads on him. well, he is very committed to his work and puts work before anythign and everything. always has a tension & i dont know why, he always thinks that time is less!!! he is a great minute-to-minute no-no second-to-second counter. works in a very organised manner. is always upto doing something new. precisely, likes to do things above and beyond Academics. he has this special mantra of "Everything reverts back" and i am one of those (to his bad luck) who makes his mantra come practically true. I guess, i shouldnt be writing more. Wishing you all the very best in all the endeavours of your life. May you succeed in every walk and remember "____ is NOT CRAP!" You got it right???

I shall post my own analysis to these in a short while - when I come to.